To Be Perfectly Modest

I had to start over. The whole “watch my journey in photography” thing just isn’t me. It’s really not my style at all. Showing all the hard work I put in to mastering something is like walking someone step by step through a magic trick. The end result isn’t nearly as impressive and anyone watching thinks to themselves “Well, if I did ALL THAT I’d be just as good.” If life were to be likened to a series of magic tricks then I’m aspiring to be a really swagged-out David Blaine.

I want my talents to seem to have powers over the perceptions of the people around me. So that in their minds these talents could only be God-given, or the result of something they weren’t afforded the luxury of having. Putting every increment of growth on display for the world to see puts you in a position in which you have to be modest. You’re forced to be grateful for every undeserved compliment given, and it really takes a toll on your overall confidence once you do gain some compliment-worthy skill.

Listening to your friends and family encourage you in your pre-magnificent stage is really just social masturbation. You hear people doing this all the time. Person A shows Person B something Person A has been working on. Person B gives praise while Person A bows modestly and shrugs off or denies Person B’s compliments. They do this for a while until they climax in satisfaction. Person A feels validated in his mediocre accomplishment, and Person B feels like she’s done her good deed for the day. Most members of society take pleasure in this act of boosting some one's confidence while that someone goes into modesty mode.

If you’re anything like me, you see the situation something like this...

“Oh! You’re getting so good!” (society grabs the lotion)
“No, no, no, I still need a lot of work.” (you try to stop society seeing it’s growing arousal)
“Honestly, some of your stuff is kinda impressive.” (society ups the volume on the porn and keeps stroking)
“Nah, I’m slowly getting better but…” (you attempt to step in front of the TV to block the action when…)
“Seriously man, you’ve really come along way. Sure you’re not as good as so and so, but he’s got blahblahblahblah.” (*jissplaatttttt*)

Yep, and your friend’s attempt to make excuses for your lack of mastery is the societal nut hitting your forehead. Although the metaphor may not match up completely, it perfectly parallels my level of disgust.

So you can probably see why I typically hide my struggle to become skillful in most areas of my life. Sometimes it is because I hate conversations rooted in modesty, but most often it is because that struggle is supposed to be something you own. You have to find fulfillment in each small victory in your walk from newbie to pro. You have to ignore the urge to comfort yourself with excuses. You have to build total confidence in your skills so that when it is finally time to put them on display the act appears effortless.

Once your talent reaches this level, modest formalities become a thing of the past. Rather, they will never have had existed because you managed to gain your skills minus all the societal perversion. Your confidence in your abilities will shine through, and the compliments received will be genuine. You should accept said compliments with the same confidence, but do so with caution.

Since you are most likely not the best to ever do it, society feels that there is always room for modesty and will still be expecting responses that will invite the typical circle jerk. Non-compliance can result in future compliments being replaced with comments attributing your talent to luck, or genetics, or [insert lame excuse here].

Personally, the feeling these comments give me is, ironically, kind of orgasmic. And every time I get that feeling I picture myself dodging a nut to the face and leaving society stuck in my place.

A magic trick that would make even David Blaine proud.